Subject: You've opened my eyes.
Date: Tue, 2 Sep 2003 06:10:55 -0700 (PDT)
Rush,
I want to thank you. For years I believed the only way to get ahead in the world was through hard work and dedication. Listening to your program today, I realized I was wrong.
I am being discriminated by the United States government. I cannot receive my fair share of the tax cut because I don't have a child. The reason I don't have a child is, alas, I am single. I truly believe my singleness is McDonalds' fault. You see, I am an obese man and cannot find a woman willing to marry me. The only reason I am obese is because my high school coach would bring us to McDonalds and other fast food establishments after away football and baseball games.
Therefore, after listening to your program today, I have been inspired. I will first of all sue the American government and DEMAND an apology and reparation payments for the discrimination I have received. Secondly, I will sue all these fast food establishments. And thirdly, I will sue our school system as well as the individual coaches and my parents for allowing me to eat at these restaurants.
After I am rich, I plan on running for governor of California.
Thanks for everything,
Josh Manning
Houma, LA
www.JoshManning.com