Dearest Homies,
I stand corrected. Dear Kimiyo, after the last email, scolded me. She said:
Thanks for the shout out. Last I checked though, I'm pretty sure Hawaii was part of your country too =) We graduated from being a territory some 50 or more years ago, but I don't know my history well enough to be accurate. There are a lot of different races and cultures here, prominently Japanese, Samoan, Hawaiian, Filipino, and Caucasian. The local language is called "Pigeon." It goes something like this:
"Eh bra, you stay in da wrong kine slippah, dat's haole kine slippah's! I get choke slippah's, i go let you try mine."
Sort of anyway, I'm not big on talking pigeon. It's the uneducated form of english, but very fun to speak.
Thanks for the correction Kimiyo!
You know, one of the things I like best about the whole Summer Vacation concept is that I just get to think a lot more than I do during the school year. I'm too busy doing projects and reading and trying to get an education then to actually think about things. Too busy learning to think. Who would have thought?
Just tonight, for example, I was thinking. I've been hanging out with some people recently that are real interesting. One thing I've noticed about people in general, though, is that they tend to get upset at themselves when they don't live up to some type of expectation. They try to put themselves and others in these little boxes. It's that whole mentality of "I have to make this grade" or "I have to do this today."
I think it is a very healthy thing to have goals. Too many people today don't have any. But sometimes, though, I think we can become controlled by our goals, and when we don't fulfill them, we tend to get mad at ourselves, other people, God, etc. Really, what we need to do is just say, "Heck, I'm human. Sometimes things don't work out the way I want them to. That's just part of life." Because, honestly, we are just humans. Sometimes, things don't work out the way we want them. You are going to fail tests. You are going to loose jobs. People you love are going to die. People you love are going to decide they don't like you any more. We live in an imperfect world and are going to have imperfect things happen. If any of you out there DO happen to be perfect, please let me know. I'll gladly spread the word.
The problem comes when we let our failures get us down to the point we get mad. Sometimes the anger is directed at ourselves. We feel WE should have accomplished this goal or task. That, my friends, is a bunch of baloney. I'll take my own life into consideration. For the most part, I would say I'm a fairly decent student. My overall GPA is in the range of 3.2ish. Yet, I've made my fair share of bad grades. I've made several Fs and several Ds. One of the biggest reasons my GPA is the place it is, is because we have the option to drop classes at my school. An option I think I sometimes use a bit too much ("Just take the 'C' and get over it." "No, I'll loose my . . . student loan."). We've got so much wrapped up in ourselves and in our pride that we cannot stand to screw up. If we cannot save ourselves, who will?!?
I've found, for me, one of the best ways to combat this (and it sounds silly) is that sometimes I simply expect myself to fail. I don't place high or unreasonable expectations on myself. Yes, I strive to do the best job I can do, but I try not to let myself think that it will be a whole lot. When Josh Higgins left this past year, and the direction and vision of Chi Alpha was handed over to me, I went into it not with the mind set of, "Membership is going to be raised 800,000,000%." I went into it thinking, "Well, I've never done this before. I'll probably make mistakes. Hopefully, I learn from those mistakes and both I and the organization will become better for those mistakes." Now, yes, my goal was to reach out to people as much as possible. I've restructured some of the things in my life to take my focus off of the "I'm a student" mentality and try to look thinks with, "I'm the director of Chi Alpha, then a student" mentality. And, with this, I can see how a correct outlook has helped:
Point 1: The first semester, I didn't quite see the results I wanted. Membership actually dropped. Things were very hard going and stressful. Some people compared me to Higgins and other directors in the area who had been doing this 20+ years. If I had gone in with the expectation of setting the thing on fire, I would have been crushed.
Point 2: However, knowing full well I wasn't going to get it right the first time, I swallowed my pride (wasn't necessarily easy) and asked for suggestions on what may work better. I prayed a lot and asked for wisdom and direction. Then, over time, students began to step up and have fresh and new ideas. We started running with them and implementing them. Our group has grown and began to actually help and minister to other people. If I would have gotten mad at myself, others, or God, my attitude would have affected our effectiveness.
As I said, sometimes we get mad at others or at God (society, parents, friends, stupid people, etc). My question is this: What do they owe to us? What does society owe to me? What do my parents or my friends owe me? What does God owe to me? To have anger towards any of these entities shows that, subconsciously, we believe they OWE us something. They are withholding something from me that would give me happiness. I was born with a gimpy leg; it is God's fault. I don't have a car; it is society's fault. I don't have a house; it is my parents' fault. In reality, it is none of these entities' fault and, for the most part (I allow there are some exceptions to this rule), we get mad at those very entities that are trying to help us in the first place!
Okay, so you may be saying, "Josh, you are a moron. What are we supposed to do? If I don't expect the best, then of course the worst will happen!" Not necessarily. Strive for the best. Expect the worst. It's like when your mom leaves you a list of chores to do while she's in town. You are supposed to complete the tasks to the best of your ability. You try your best to get them all done. Sometimes, you screw up and forget to water a plant or something. Sometimes you get them all. Mom's job is to not nit-pick, but to be like, "Wow, my kid tried his best!" (but then again, Moms are human too. Sometimes, they'll get mad because you missed a plant, but let's just try to keep things in perspective.). So yeah, it's not a perfect thought pattern, but it saves me a lot of stress.
1. Strive for the best, expect the worst (AKA: don't freak out if you don't live up to expectations, you are human).
2. Realize that, because you are human, you are nothing (AKA: we are all full of baloney. Until we realize we are full of baloney, we will never be truly happy but will always be like, why did I mess this up?).
3. Recognize that there is a need for something else beyond us:
Because we are only human, we are full of baloney. Almost everything we do is a bunch of baloney. When we get upset and emotional, we are full of baloney. When we are happy, we are full of baloney. This email, it is full of baloney. Our talents: they are a bunch of baloney. Until we recognize that we are baloney, we put false expectations upon ourselves. We must realize that we, in all our greatness and talents, are still, at the end of the day, a bunch of baloney!
But, then, what is the point??
See, I'm happy. Almost all the time. I have my bad days, bad moments, questions and fears, but for the most part I am happy.
Why?
Because, in the realization that I am baloney, I recognize that there is something greater beyond me that isn't. It is that something greater that takes my baloney-ness and makes it worth something. I personally am convinced that this something is the God of the Bible. All my talents, good works, personal achievements - all that is worthless. All a bunch of baloney. When I try to depend on myself, I will always fail. When I depend on God, things don't always go just they way I expect them, but they always work out in the end. Sometimes I may fail a test because I had to do this or this for someone else, or Chi Alpha had a meeting or Bible study, or for whatever other reason. Okay, so this one little thing didn't go they way I want, but in the long view of eternity, it'll be okay! Again, I strove to be the best I could, but if things didn't go my way, that's fine! Some others of you may also recognize you are full of baloney, but may be looking other places to find that which is un-baloney. Some may look towards literature, some towards philosophy, some of you may be adherents to another religion, some may believe in God, but not in the Bible. Though I respect that, I personally don't think it will leave you satisfied, or though it may satisfy you for a while, eventually something will happen where you will realize all of Man's Knowledge (such as in philosophy or literature) is a bunch of baloney too!
For those of you who believe in a god, but not in the Bible, what do you think of God? Do you think He's the type of Being that would just create everything and then obscure Himself? Or do you think He would try to get in touch with the thing He made, try to reveal Himself somehow? And in what form would He reveal Himself? In some mysterious, super-spiritual way? Or in a real way that can affect our every day lives? If you have some genuine questions about the Bible, and why I believe it to be correct, feel free to email me and ask away (I can't possibly cover that topic here . . . already starting to get too long!).
Some of you may adhere to another religion. I'd also like to open dialogue with you. I would like to pick your brain some! Feel free to pick mine if you wish!
And, there may also be some of you who believed in the Bible at one point, but, for whatever reason, you no longer do. I also have my theory about this. It goes back to what I said earlier. For whatever reason, it didn't live up to your expectations (again, placing some sort of value on yourself). I ask you this: Why do we bring expectations to it? A pivotal teaching in Christianity is the fact that we are, in a sense, nothing. Until we realize we cannot do it on our own, we cannot make the choice to put our hope in Christ. Until we realize we cannot achieve salvation on our own means, we cannot ask Him to save us. So why, after doing that, is it okay to put the focus back on ourselves? Why do we place value enough on ourselves to turn the table and say God didn't fulfill our needs. I think the answer is that He did fulfill our needs, just maybe not all our wants.
Now, I will not say that my Christianity never leaves me without any doubts or questions. It simply reminds me that in the end, it'll all work out. I have moved away from having faith in myself, to having faith in something bigger than myself. My goal is not my happiness, but doing the will of my Lord (again, don't always hit it right on the head, but strive for perfection). Sometimes, I have a lot of questions. Why am I still single? In fact, I've noticed three general reactions whenever I try to get close to a girl: 1.) complete disguise and horror, 2.) anger or 'ruining the friendship,' 3.) laughter (followed by, "Oh, you're serious?"). Again, if I was going in with my agenda and objectives, I would be upset. As it is, I know it'll work out in the end.
As always, I could be mistaken and never claim to know everything, but, again, would like to start dialogue with you all about this on any of these issues! Tell me I'm wrong, but tell me why you think I'm wrong. I'll think and pray about it, then respond with an answer. Again, after that, you tell me why you think I'm right or wrong. It's a dialogue, though. I'll respect your opinion as long as you respect mine (even if we don't agree!).
Anyway, I've got a lot more to say, but it's getting late, I'm getting tired, and this email is almost to the point where no one will read it anyway!
Thanks you all and have a good night (or day or whenever you read this),
Josh