This is my one and only conspiracy theory. It explains all that is wrong with this once great nation America. Swiss cheese.....
The Nineteenth Century
A long time ago, back in 1818 to be precise, a man by the name of Karl Marx was born. Karl was neglected as a kid and left on his own alot. His parents gave him one and only one gift in his entire life. In 1820, at the age of two, they gave him a computer. Karl loved that computer. It was his only companion. Karl used his computer to come up with what we now call the "Communist Manifesto." Karl tried to share his views with the world, but no one would listen. He was eventually imprisoned in a small prison cell in Scandinavia.
A few years later, this guy named Joseph Stalin found Karl's Manifesto and tried to implement it. Stalin was one evil son of a gun and got the whole thing screwed up. Meanwhile, back in Scandinavia, Karl was released on good behavior and later elected as the nation’s top governor. The only thing was, Stalin had pronounced Marx dead so Marx had to go undercover and changed his name to Al Gore. Gore developed his own new system of government in Scandinavia, which he still runs. He also developed this thing called the "internet." It was originally a military experiment until big business got a hold of it and screwed it all up.
The true purpose of the internet was originally to control people's minds. That is were Swiss cheese comes in. Invented back in Scandinavia under Marx's regime, Swiss cheese was made with a mind controlling chemical. Once the cheese is eaten in the proper proportions, Marx/Gore or one of his henchman/senators types on his little internet computer releasing a signal making the eater of the cheese subject to Marx's every command. A prime example is the last presidential election. Bill Clinton was elected to yet another term in office even after he screwed up the first one so much. The reason: Swiss cheese. People eat the cheese; Marx types in "vote Bill"; Bill is elected.
Y2K-Microsoft
Al Gore could not have distributed the internet programs by himself. He enlisted the help of his good friend and fellow communist Bill Gates, chairman of the Microsoft Corporation. They distributed all the programs necessary to have complete control over all of North America. Canada has already succumbed to the power as is evident with the breakup of the Mounties and the cancellation of the television show Due South.
Clinton began to catch on to what was happening. He called a secret Security Council meeting to decide what to do. When he approached Gore, Gore threatened to shut down all the computers in the World with his "Y2K Bug." The debate went on for several years until moments before the "Y2K Bug" was to be implemented when Clinton said "Enough Gore. You win!"
Gore immediately pulled the plug on the "Y2K Bug" and also stopped the whole Lewinsky thing.
The Florida Recount
I posted this on my web site back in June. No one listened though. I warned not to eat Swiss cheese. People throughout most of the country listened to me. Some government agencies were able to shut part of Microsoft down, but it wasn't enough. People in California and the West Coat, were Microsoft originally originated and Mr. Gates already had strong support continued to eat. The Internet is also tightly controlled on the East Coast and Gore was able to make my site "disappear." Communist Canada sent voters into Michigan to give their leader a boost. I have no idea what is going on in Florida, but it is scary. If you notice, Bush's votes continue to disappear as Gore votes continue to pop out of nowhere.
I believe Gore has taken on another form of control other than the internet, other than Swiss cheese. He is starting to be able to directly control our minds. Many Republicans, most which deny having ever eaten Swiss cheese, have resisted so far. Many people with brains have also been able to stay out of Gore's grasp. What I should say is, Gore has "mindless" control.
My political opinions aside, sources tell me something scary is about to happen. Supreme Court Judges are big fans of Swiss cheese. Watch for Gore to be given leadership of the "free world." Canada and America will unit as one shortly thereafter. I know some of you are now questioning our moving to Canada. You must trust me on this. Several insiders in Canada, mostly ex-Mounties, have an underground compound ready for us. It is way in the northern part, right out of Marx's grasp. They obtained a land grant from the Canadian Government shortly after the take over to keep silent. After we begin to print stuff from our compound and release it to the rest of the world, we will again have to move. Matthew and I may stay at the compound along with out mount friends and ship everyone else off to safety. Russia, having survived communism, has offered us safety. I'm not sure how long the safety there will last, however. Once Marx is elected, he will be in position for World Domination........
In studying Western Civilization this year, I have seen how the corruption of the Catholic Church throughout time. Innocent VIII with his crusades, killing Jews, Muslims, and other Christians. The Pope at the time of Martin Luther played off of people's ignorance, making them buy indulgences to pay there way into Heaven. Gregory VII actually believed he was the closest thing to God that there was one Earth. At this time, the Pope was more of a political office to be bought rather than a position given to one who deserved it. Shortly after Gore is given the American Presidency (I do not say elected because Bush has already been elected), look for a new Pope to arise out of nowhere. Gore will kindly offer the Pope some Swiss cheese. You know what happens next.
Bush is excommunicated. Bush, however, is Protestant and isn't too concerned.
Marx will continue to gain power. Soon our group of outsiders will have to separate and flee in fear of being caught. You can be assured, though, that I will continue to bring you the scoop of what is really going on behind the scene. In fact, Gore, being the smart guy that he is, may cover everything up. I wouldn't be surprised if he had plastic surgeons fix his face to look like Bush and rule the world as Bush. I pledge to continue to bring you the truth.
Your friend and allie,
Josh Randall
*disclaimer to the secret service - I'm kidding. Please don't kill me.
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