Characters:

Dan Morrison: Played by Nikki Blanks. Dan is obsessed with Assembly of God and church history. He's a classic Pentecostal - enjoys doing the Pentecostal two-step and listens to old country hymns for fun. Has a story, usually irrelevant, about everything. Has a southern, Alabamian, accent.
Nikki Blanks: Played by Logan Staggs. Nikki is extremely artsy, likes power tools and WWF wrestling. She thinks everyone around her is stupid and if they would only realize how well things in the north are run, they would all move there. Speaks in "Northern."
Logan Staggs: Played by Dan Morrison. Logan is pretty nondescript. She's got no real defining character traits. She's rather mediocre. No one is really sure why Logan is here or how she got there in the first place. Josh, however, is thankful that she has a car as his gas bill has gone down dramatically since moving to Lafayette. Has absolutely no accent.
Josh Manning: Played by Josh Manning. Josh is a real ladies man . . . or, well, at least he thinks he is a real ladies man. In reality, most of the ladies think he's semi-retarded, not that there is anything wrong with being semi-retarded, it's just that most of the women Josh attempts to attract just don't go around marrying semi-retarded people just for the heck of it. Anyway, Josh is a stereotypical guy. He's hairy, chubby, going bald, grunts, hollas at the ladies, and thinks he's generally a real smooth guy. (The truth, however, is that he really is semi-retarded.)
Charles Gravely: Tall, lanky, giraffe looking guy. He's generally regarded as well educated, but he's not very up-to-date on cleaning and other domestic techniques.

Setting:
The Chi Alpha house living room. There is a sofa, a funny looking gray chair that could be mistaken for a bed if one wasn't careful, and a Laz-E-Boy recliner. A small Christmas tree sits in the corner. To stage right, there is a desk, and on it sits a CD player. There is a large window in the background. It is several days after Christmas and all the interns are sitting around sharing how their Christmas break was.

Nikki: (sitting on the big bed looking thing) My break was great, don't cha know? The North was so amazing! We had snow, and vegetables, and people stopped asking all these stupid questions like, "How are you doing?" and "I hope you are doing well today." Everyone is just up in your face when you aren't in the North!
Dan (walking to the CD player) Well, I must declare my break of celebrating the Lord's birth was simply amazing. (puts a CD in the CD player of old country, Pentecostal hymns). In fact, every time I think of Christmas, it's called "Azuza Street." (Begins to get jiggy-wit-it)
Josh: (eating something, grunts) Oh yeah. Christmas was great. I went home and the girls kept coming up to me shouting, "Holla! Holla!" It was really quite embarrassing. But, it's the price you pay when you are as good looking as I am (shoves some food item in his face).
Dan: No. It's called, "Stop eating." Or, as I like to call it, "Haystack."
Logan: What?? I'm confused.
Dan: (perturbed, sighing) Back during the haystack revival in 1806, George Whitfield's brother, Allen, was overweight. He was praying about it because he couldn't get anyone to marry him and it was an embarrassment to the family. George told him that rather than praying, he should simply just stop stuffing his face with food and that would probably solve the problem.
Josh: (grunts) Oh yeah.
Logan: (squeals) What does that have to do with anything?!?
Nikki: Man you guys are a bunch of loosers. Talking to you is a waste of brain cells.
Dan: If fact, when I think about it, I think of one word: Eye candy.
Josh: CANDY!!!!!!
Nikki: This place would be so much better if we had candy from the North.

(Enter Charles. He's wearing blue jeans, Zapp's potato chip shirt, and yellow gloves. He's holding a shower curtain and cleaning supplies. Dan starts to dance around the room again. Charles begins to clean shower curtain at patio table)

Logan: Oh, Charles!
Nikki: I don't think Charles likes me. Why can't he be from the North?
Josh: What's he doing?
Logan: I think he's cleaning.
Dan: (dancing) No! It's called, "Get ride of the mildew!"
Josh: There is no way you can pick up chicks wearing yellow gloves.
Nikki: No one from the North would date any of you loosers.
Josh: I mean, not that I've ever tried wearing yellow gloves. Can you pick up chicks wearing yellow gloves?
Nikki: Guys from the North could.
Logan: I wonder if he knows he could just put that in the washing machine.
Nikki: Obviously not.
Josh: Yellow gloves?

(Charles begins to scream. His hands have become chemically bonded to the shower curtain! He can't get them off. Three of the interns run off stage left. One intern dances off. All four appear through the "window.")

Logan: What's wrong, Charles?
Charles: (calmly) It seems as if I can't get my hands off this shower curtain.
Josh: HOLLA!!!!!!
Charles: What was that for?
Josh: Uh, I'm not sure, really. I mean, usually when I want a girl to leave me alone I just holla at them, and they are so overwhelmed with emotion that they just pass out.
Nikki: Josh, by "pass out", do you mean "run away in terror"?
Josh: (grunts) Oh, no!
Dan: (Dances over to Charles and lays a hand on him.) This happened once to Miranda Lindsely.
Josh: (grunts in agreement)
Nikki: Who is Miranda Lindsely?
Josh: (shrugs)
Dan: She was the assistance secretary to Bob Martz in 1989.
Josh: (sings) Happy Birthday, to you!
Nikki: Josh, what are you doing now?
Josh: I'm singing to the shower curtain!
Nikki: Why?
Josh: Happy Birthday, tooo yooooouuuuu!
Nikki: If you don't stop singing and help us figure out a way to get Charles out of this mess, I'm going to have to lay the smack down on you.
Josh: Happy birthday, dear Shower Curtain!!!!
Nikki: (Lays the smack down on Josh) The Peoples Elbow! To the chest!!!
Josh: I love you shower curtain!!!!
Dan: No! It's called . . .
Logan: (obviously stressed out, aggravated, and annoyed) Charles, have you tried taking your hands out of the gloves?
Charles: Well, I . . . I guess I hadn't thought of that.
Josh: (from the ground) Don't do it Charles! The Ladies dig men in yellow gloves!
Charles: (hesitant) I don't know, Logan . . .
Nikki: Charles, pull your hands out of the gloves before I lay the smack down on you, too.
Charles: (pulls hands out of the yellow gloves) Hey! They came out!
(Dan shouts "Hallelujah" and Dan, Logan, Nikki, and Charles exit the screen)
Josh: (stands up) You can totally pick up chicks wearing yellow gloves! (goes over to the table, puts on the yellow gloves) Yeah, I'm totally hot. Hey, what? My hands are stuck to this shower curtain! What the heck?!?! Hey guys! (runs off screen) (Amazingly loud applause from the audience. Logan, Dan, Nikki come out on the stage and bow. After the bow, Josh walks onto stage wearing yellow gloves and holding a shower curtain. Confused look on his face.)

The End!