Hello Magnificent friends!
I have decided that, starting today, I am going to be an “on top of it” person. Several things have convinced me of this:
1. Nearly passing out and seeing double as I drove to school today
2. Getting a letter in the mail telling me I’m real late on bill payment - something I have the money for but just tossed the bill to the side and forgot about it.
Mr. Joshua Higgins told me about this time-management thing and I think I’m going to start to actually do it. I’m also going to be in bed my 10:30 so that I don’t pass out on the way to school anymore. All you dang “Internet people” just stop talking to me at that time no matter what!
Also, I am holding a “Josh’s Friends Convention” next August in Hawaii for my birthday. You are all expected to attend. Kenny, John, Josh, Antione, and I will be driving there. The rest of you may want to fly. I’m putting Kimiyo in charge of making all arrangements. Sarah is in charge of “the buddy system” and Amy M. is in charge of food. Matthew, I need you to make sure that all available futons are at the event in case we run out of beds. Clinton, I need you to be the “go to guy” and make sure everything is being done.
I’ve noticed that I have only had one response from the girlfriend applications I sent out a few weeks ago. Those things MUST BE FILLED OUT for any chance of consideration.
I would also like to inform everyone that the Billy Stick Society will now begin teaching classes on the proper use of billy sticks and their functions in our everyday life. Matthew and I will be teaching a four part seminar starting next Saturday at 1pm. So far, John Price, Kenny, and Annette are signed up for the classes. Please inform me or Matthew if you plan on attending the great event so that we will have the proper amount of snack items set aside. We like to feed people Christmas pretzels and dip and all so make sure you let us know if you are coming or else you won’t get any cool snacks. Matthew and I have also been having some intense discussions about the Canadian Compound. As most of you know, we were planning on leaving the USA and fleeing to Canada if Karl Marx (A.K.A. Al Gore) won the Presidential election. As it turns out, Old Dubya won and there is no need for the mass exodus. We still, however, own the compound. Matthew feels we should sell the compound and divert the money into a trust fund for underprivileged teen-age children. My take on the situation is that we set up the main headquarters of the Billy Stick Society there to avoid American taxes while still operating ourselves here in the states. Any input would be phenomenal.
I would like to tell you all about my Uncle Rick. I have two Uncle Ricks but one in particular has sent me many a comments about my emails. Considering he himself is a pretty cool guy and all I decided to let him “live” in my email. He told me once he would like to spend a day with me but would probably die from laughing to hard. Well Uncle Rick, here’s is your chance!
Uncle Rick was driving to work one day when he looked up in the sky. He was thinking about a hilarious email he just read that was written by his favorite nephew Josh. Josh had just told everyone about Kenny’s Amazing (Amazon) Adventure. As Uncle Rick remembered this email, he saw something glowing up above. “I wonder what it could be,” he said aloud. Within moments he felt his car being lifted towards the heavens. He shrieked. Seconds later he meet a guy named Stan. Stan welcomed him aboard the ship and introduced him to Howie. Howie took Uncle Rick around the cosmos. Within minutes, Uncle Rick was back in his car heading towards work.
I would also like to tell everyone about my good friend John Price. I’ve mentioned John a few times now but not too many of you have meet Ol’ John. He is the first edition in what I like to call “Josh’s Spotlighted Friend.” From now on, I will spot light a friend and tell you all a little bit about him or her so that you will all feel more American and not so out of place at the big “Josh’s Friend Convention” in Hawaii which Kimiyo is coordinating and Sarah is in charge of the “buddy system” and Amy M. is in charge of the food. Anyway, John is, what we call in the ghetto, “da man.” John grew up as a poor Indonesian Child in Pakistan. When he was seven he ran away from home and moved to American where he started his own software development company. By the time he was ten, he was a millionaire. At eleven he lost his fortune. He moved to Houma were he graduated from Terrebonne High School and then began attending Nicholls State University. He has only regretted that choice twice. The day of the great mystery meat mystery in the cafeteria and the day he met me. John got involved in Chi Alpha and is a DJ for KNSU. He became a Christian somewhere in there and drove to LA. He found the Talking Texaco Station and crossed Border Control. He pulled off the highway once also. Kenny tries to convince people that John is his “backseat buddy” but we all know better. John Price is the REAL closet monster. He is a seasoned veteran of Wallyball and an expert at Multi-Level marketing. Without John Price, American would just be Can. Please send any extra Pez Dispensers you may have. And remember, the Price is Right!
Your Pal,
Josh "Large and in Charge"
Manning