Subject: The Curse of Roommates
Date: Wed, 14 Jul 2004 23:00:30 -0700 (PDT)
It was a typical day at the Farm (I say "the Farm" because, even though I moved out eight months ago, I still haven't come up with a cool new nickname for the place I'm living now). I was sitting in my room working on some Chi Alpha stuff, reading a few books to better myself, and doing random other tasks, when my friend from Japan, Satomi Sugo, popped up on the Internet messenger. Having several important questions to ask Satomi, I decided to send her a message when the following set of circumstances happened:
To set the picture: Ryan was in the kitchen cleaning his shot gun and cooking some armadillo soup after one of his recent escapades. Clint was sitting in his room doing cool stuff on the Internet (the man is a master at that stuff), and my buddy Matthew from Alabama was online. He wasn't saying anything, but was waiting for me to talk to him like he always does. He likes to let me make the first move in these situations; I think it makes him feel good about himself or something. It's great, too, because he doesn't ever talk my ear off, but usually only gives one or two word answers. He's a freaking genius or something like that.
Well, anyway, Satomi's screen name "Sugou" pops up and I send her the following message:
Josh: Hey Satomi! I am so happy to talk to you! I have a very, very important question about Chi Alpha stuff. Gennki desuka?
Sugou: I am so mad you!
Josh: Huh? What?
Sugou: That poster you made is SOOO bad! It very embarrassing!
Josh: Eh? What poster???
Sugou: one you and Ryan put up campus. I am so mad you for making!
Josh: Satomi, honestly, I don't have any idea what you are talking about.
Sugou: Oh! You lie! Ryan show it me.
Josh: Uh, he didn't show me anything.
Sugou: It on website.
Here, I figure she is talking about my personal website, www.JoshManning.com, so I pull it up and take a look. Under the Friends section, I see the following link: www.joshmanning.com/friends/Satomi.html. I was, you can say, in complete horror, even if I did think it was kind of funny.
Josh: Satomi, I can promise you this, and I promise on our friendship, I had nothing to do with that poster.
There was a moment of silence.
Sugou: So Ryan make?
Josh: That would be my guess.
Sugou: I'm soooo stupid!
Josh: No, Satomi, I can see why you would be upset.
Sugou: Oh! Ryan is SOOO funny!!!!!
Josh: Okay, now I am confused.
Sugou: Oh!! Joshu!!! You are soooo luck to live with Ryan!
At this point, I am at a loss for words.
Sugou: Yes!!!! So funny!!!
Josh: Anyway, I have a very important question about the International Student Ministry next semester.
Sugou: Oh, Joshu! We talk about tomorrow!
Josh: Um, okay?
Sugou: Watashi wa neru.
Josh: You are going to sleep already? But it is only 6:30.
Sugou: Oyasumi, Joshu!
Josh: Eh, goodnight to you too . . .
Satomi then signed off. I was sitting in my chair in disbelief.
It was then that I heard the faint tune of "Go Tell It on the Mountain" coming from the living room.
I heard the sound of a shot gun being placed carefully against the wall, then loud, lumbering footsteps move across the room. There was a pause, then I heard several unintelligible words that sounded like someone trying to say "washing machine" but with socks stuck in their mouth.
"Washishotwo muki muki wa wa!"
It was Ryan. Apparently, it was his attempt at Japanese. I am assuming someone who is Japanese has just called him. He's in his room now, laughing a lot.
If only this was the first time something like this happened, it wouldn't be so bad. As it is, however, this has happened to me on several occasions.
I still remember the first time like it was yesterday. I had invited Ryan over to my parents' house for dinner one Sunday afternoon. This was before I had moved out of the Farm, and me and Ryan only hung out on the weekends.
Anyway, so Ryan and I are over at my parents', and Dad cooks this great alligator sauce-piquant. As I am walking over to the table with my plate in hand ready to sit down and start eating, Ryan, who is already halfway through his second helping, shouts out, "Man, Mr. Randy, this is the best alligator stew I have ever had!"
Before I could explain to Ryan that it was a sauce-piquant, not a stew, Dad replies, "Yeah, Ryan, I thought so. You know, it is so nice to get a compliment every now and then for all the hard work of cooking I do around here. My kids are so lazy and worthless it ain't even funny!"
"But Dad, I always compliment you on you cooking," I said.
As I said this, Ryan took my plate out of my hand at started eating it, "I don't know, Mr. Randy. Josh usually talks highly of you."
"Look at him now," Dad began to yell. "He's not even eating!"
Before I could say anything, Ryan stood up, "Well, look, Mr. Randy, I really don't feel comfortable hanging around here and doing this. I don't want to feel like I'm making Josh compete with me. I am real sorry, Josh."
I tried to open my mouth again, when still, Ryan says, "I guess I'll just go, Mr. Randy, and let you spend some time with your boy. It looks like you need some quality time together."
I now had no words in my mouth to say. Ryan began walking to the door. I looked at my dad. He would not make eye contact with me, only seemed very despaired as he watched Ryan walking away.
"Oh, uh, do you mind if I took some of this stuff home with me?" Ryan asked. "It is really good."
Dad jumped up and ran towards the stove. He picked up the entire pot and handed it to Ryan.
"Ryan," he said, "you go ahead and take the whole thing. No one around here appreciates the things I do."
"Well, gee Mr. Randy! Thanks, you really didn't need to do that! I'll have Josh clean this and bring it back to you later!"
"Good-bye, Son."
"Good-bye, Mr. Randy."
So yeah, that should have tipped me off to what I was getting into, but alas . . .
Anyway, I need to get going. I've got a question to ask Satomi tomorrow . . . unless of course she's still on the phone . . . .
Josh