Subject: Uncle Snoopy and the Snake
Date: Sat, 29 May 2004 19:45:57 -0700 (PDT)
Dearest you all,
I want to begin by giving a "shout-out" to my home-girl Kimiyo over there in Hawaii. I haven't shouted out at her for a while, though it used to be a common happenstance. Hopefully this will revive the tradition.
Kimiyo, tell your kid hello! She's all starting to look like a person and all from those last pictures you sent! Congratulations on that!
To the rest of you, it's real neat to have friends from other countries like Hawaii! You should try to meet them if you get a chance. It's weird because they have a completely different culture!! You've got to be careful not to insult them by asking ignorant questions like what language do they speak or anything like that (it's a form of Japanese called Hawaiianese if you didn't know!).
In other news, I had a really strange dream last night, which is the real reason why I write.
I was over at my grandfather's house (or, as we so affectionately refer to him, Peepaw), and I was talking to a couple of the dogs (because, oddly enough, in this dream they could talk). One of them, the small black one with the gimpy leg, got real quiet and began to point at one of the trees growing in the side yard. I turned and looked, and there was the weirdest thing. A fifty-foot cobra was sliding down the tree and seemed to be heading our way.
I immediately got up and ran into the house, locking the door. I then realized that the dogs, who I was just conversing with, were still outside. I unlocked and opened the door to let them in. I looked out the door, but they were no where to be seen. The snake was sitting there, or slithering rather, licking his lips. I let out a shriek and he noticed my presence. As he began moving towards the door, I closed it and locked it once again. I looked over towards the window and saw the snakes head. He was beating it against the glass, then, after that lead no where, began to examine the edge of the roof for a vent he could get through.
It was then that I remembered my two cousins Amy and Reed. They were out in the back yard playing. (They were actually playing in their yard, but their house is kind of behind Peepaw's house.) I ran to the backdoor, flung it open, and took off running as fast as I could (which, to be honest, isn't very fast) towards their house. As I ran, I looked over my shoulder and noticed the snake jumping over Peepaw's house and barreling down upon me. The faster I seemed to run, the faster I seemed to go.
As I was heading towards their house, I saw a cow.
I told the cow what was going on, and the cow said, "You go get the kids. I will sacrifice myself for them. After the snake eats me, maybe he won't be hungry and will just go away."
The cow and I embraced and exchanged goodbyes; then I started running again.
I jumped the fence and grabbed the kids. I picked Amy up with my right arm and grabbed Reed with my left hand. I told them to run and they asked no questions. As we ran up the steps, I turned and looked back at the cow. All I saw was the snake, now slithering even faster than he was before.
I got the kids in the house and locked them in the only room I could find with no vent or any way for the snake to get in to them. I told them to sit tight, and that I would be back as soon as I could.
I walked to the window and watched the snake make his way towards the house. I was looking around, trying to figure a way out of the strange mess I had found myself in. Then out of the cane field stepped a dark, slightly obscured figure.
It was my Uncle Snoopy. He had a baseball bat in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
"Hey snake!" he called.
The snake stopped moving and turned around.
My uncle raised the cigarette to his mouth and took one last puff before tossing it to the ground.
The snake crawled towards him and, when it was about five feet away from him, raised his head to the striking position.
My uncle raised the bat and got in his batters stance.
The snake opened his mouth. Venom was dripping from its teeth.
Uncle Snoopy nodded.
The snake lunged.
My fan was spinning.
I watched as it spun some more. I jumped up and looked around for my uncle. Any sign of my uncle. I then noticed that I was lying in my bed.
Throughout the day, I've been contemplating about what must have happened. I've come to the conclusion that Uncle Snoopy probably killed the snake and saved us, rather than the snake eating him. Here is my reasoning:
1. The snake, though it was fifty feet long, wasn't a particularly big snake if you know what I mean. You would think a snake that size would be as round as a telephone pole or something, but this thing was only about as thick as a coffee mug or something. If Uncle Snoopy landed the blow, he most likely crushed the snakes head.
2. Uncle Snoop is really good at baseball. He was my coach several years ago in the Parish league and has taught me everything I know about baseball. He usually doesn't miss anything he's swinging at.
3. The snake had just eaten two cows, a couple dogs, and possibly even Aunt Cindy and Peepaw (I didn't see them anywhere in the dream). That, combined with all the venom that was shooting from the teeth before he struck, gives me reason to believe that even if Uncle Snoop missed and the snake bit him, the probability of there still being enough venom in their to phase Uncle Snoop is very small.
4. I told Ryan about the dream when I woke up. He said he puts his money on Uncle Snoopy. Ryan isn't usually wrong about things like that.
5. I saw Uncle Snoopy at my cousin Shane's graduation party today. He said he thinks he could have taken the snake and probably would have whooped it up pretty bad, especially if it was after his kids.
6. Stories like this usually have happy endings.
So yeah, that's why I think the snake got whacked.
Talk to you later,
Josh
Responses:
Kimiyo from Hawaii:
Josh:
Thanks for the shout out. Last I checked though, I'm pretty sure Hawaii was part of your country too =) We graduated from being a territory some 50 or more years ago, but I don't know my history well enough to be accurate. There are a lot of different races and cultures here, prominently Japanese, Samoan, Hawaiian, Filipino, and Caucasian. The local language is called "Pigeon." It goes something like this:
"Eh bra, you stay in da wrong kine slippah, dat's haole kine slippah's! I get choke slippah's, i go let you try mine."
Sort of anyway, I'm not big on talking pigeon. It's the uneducated form of English, but very fun to speak.
Neat dream, I've had some whoppers myself.
Recently, I had to find my way through all kinds of booby traps and secret passages with my husband to outrun a tidal wave.
Keep those stories comin'!